After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
