end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
