If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
