Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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