Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
