yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
