Moan for me like Helen Keller
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
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