I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
