I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
