do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
