I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
