i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fill condoms, not promises.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
