So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
