my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
