my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
