toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
