Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
