Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
