I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
