so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
