Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
