I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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