I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
