I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
