Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
