Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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