Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
