How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
