You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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