It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
