He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
