I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
