u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
