Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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