I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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