We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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