Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
