Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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