My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
