Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
