You can't motorboat a personality
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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