nut hugger
I can tuck mytits in my pants
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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