he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
