I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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