I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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