:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
