We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
