Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
