Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed

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(514): View more from Quebec

He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm

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(773): View more from Illinois

I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.

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(310): View more from California

I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”

(310): View more from California

My divorce is turning into a porn script

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