can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
