I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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