I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
