My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
